Life only gets clearer...

Each passing year, it seems like my life only gets clearer. What I thought I knew at 20 was like what I knew in the 1st grade.  Just beginning to let all of this new knowledge soak in.

What I thought I knew at 27 is worlds apart from what I knew at 37.  At 27, I had just gotten married, quit my job, moved to a new city and for the first time ever, left my little apartment life I had become secure in since I was 20 and lived in a home that was my very own with a yard and a garage and my own washer and dryer.

When I turned 29, I had two amazing little sweet peas blessed to my care.  I don't know how we managed but somehow we did.  I learned a lot.  I learned that when my Mom and Dad tell me they love me, that the kind of love they are speaking of fills up the space of the whole world.  I never knew how much my Mom loved me until I had a child of my own to love.

When I turned 34, I made a lot of stupid mistakes.  I thought I knew what I was doing but the truth was I was so completely lost.

Now that I'm less than a year away from 40, I feel like I can finally see all the pieces of my past fitting together to lead me to this place.  The journey is so important.  Without the lessons, the learning, the making mistakes, the successes, the trying new things, expanding and pushing myself, working hard...without my husband, my children, my family...the journey wouldn't be worth any of it.

From where I stand now, I can see why God chose my husband for me.  He is forgiving, and passionate, and giving, and the best Dad ever to our girls, he believes in me, supports me, fixes things that break, takes care of me when I'm sick, dreams big dreams with me, and never lets me go.

My children have these amazing endless imaginations, good spirits, positive attitudes, huge smiles all the time, good eating habits (ha!), and a faith relationship with God that I can't even begin to comprehend.  I don't ever remember having a relationship with God like my girls have at this age - the depth of their understanding in faith inspires me.

If I had gotten to where I wanted to go when I wanted to get there - I would have missed so many important things along the way that have taught me about myself and what I can and can not do.

It's a forever kind of journey and so I guess, I'll just keep enjoying where I am and appreciate what looking back does to remind me of how far I've come as a wife, mother, and as ME.